" Not all who wander are lost."


Day 6

Something you hope you never have to do...

I hope I never never ever have to be totally, physically dependent on another person. I have watched my Grandmother and Jason's become so sick they could not even life their head to eat. I have seen Alzheimer's attack both of my Grandmothers to the point they could not function at all. My sweet Mimi is not even similar to the person she was 5 years ago. I have prayed over several family members and one dear sweet friend that God grant them peace and entrance to His Kingdom. My amazingly strong mother in law is weakening by the day and it hurts my soul to watch that strong (and stubborn :) woman have to lose her independence.

Dying is a part of life I have never been afraid of. I am not afraid to die. I am afraid to die slowly. I NEVER want to have to surrender my driver's license; Never want to have Jason or Hannah have to feed and change me; Never want my mind to die and leave behind a weak shell of me to be cared for until my body finally gives in. I NEVER want to be a burden on someone else, and I don't want those closest to me to remember me as such. I hope I never have to lose my independence, because I know that will mean mean ole me making everyone around me miserable!

1 comment:

Emily said...

Hey Abby! I've been catching up with this blogging thing you're doing. It's really very brave. I'm not sure how honest I could be with all of these like you have.

But on this one, I completely agree. Growing old and becoming dependent is one of my greatest fears. I suppose we don't have a say on how it all turns out, but here's hoping for a long and happy life (even the end).